what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize