fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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