The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
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I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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