The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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