he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
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I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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