at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize