brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
40s are totally the cure
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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