My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
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Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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