It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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