The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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