just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize