i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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