Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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