If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
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I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize