Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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