Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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