I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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