They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
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I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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