that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
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REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
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I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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