i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize