True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Two words: nipple clamps
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