My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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