Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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