I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize