i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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