I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize