I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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