I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize