I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
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Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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