tell your sister to shave her snatch
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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