I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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