Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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