I would go down on you faster than GM stock
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So much Jack, so little girl.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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