the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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