Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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