The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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