Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize