Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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