yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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