Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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