Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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