Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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