My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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