I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize