Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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