It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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