It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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