Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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