that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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