He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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